Gossip

I was recently watching the movie Doubt. At one point the character of Father Flynn says the following during one of his homilies. It really struck me so I thought I’d share it here.

A woman was gossiping with her friend about a man they hardly knew – I know none of you have ever done this… That night, she had a dream. A great hand appeared over her, and pointed down at her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The next day, she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O’Rourke, and she told him the whole thing.

“Is gossiping a sin?” She asked the old man. “Was that the hand of God All Mighty pointing a finger at me? Should I be asking your absolution, Father? Tell me, have I done something wrong?”

“Yes.” Father O’Rourke answered her. “Yes, you ignorant, badly brought up female. You have borne false witness against your neighbor. You played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed.”

So the woman said she was sorry, and asked for forgiveness.

“Not so fast.” says O’Rourke. “I want you to go home, take a pillow upon your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me.”

So the woman went home, took a pillow off her bed, a knife from the drawer, went up the fire escape to her roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed.

“Did you gut the pillow with a knife?” He says.

“Yes, Father.”

“And what was the result?”

“Feathers.” she said.

“Feathers.” he repeated.

“Feathers. Everywhere, Father.”

“Now I want you to go back, and gather up every last feather that flew out on the wind.”

“Well,” she said, “It can’t be done. I don’t know where they went. The wind took them all over.”

“And that,” said Father O’Rourke, “is gossip.”

March for Babies & other miracles

The time for March for Babies is upon us again. Our goal this year is the same as last year – $260, $10 for each day that Eion was in the NICU.

To recap, Eion was born at 32 weeks ( instead of the standard 40 weeks) and weighed 4 pounds and 10.5 ounces. He was 17.75 inches long. Actually a pretty good size for being two months early, but he still had many problems common in preemies. He had jaundice and was treated for that. He also had apnea, periods of time when his body would forget it was supposed to breathe. He had to learn to eat, how to regulate his body temperature, and to GROW.

Eion is now 15 months old (1 year and 3 months). At his one year appointment he weighed 22 points and was 29 inches tall – right in the middle on the growth charts for weight and a little higher than middle on height.

The March of Dimes, the company that organizes March for Babies – formerly Walk America – has been responsible for developing many of the medications, machines and procedures used in NICUs to give preemies a fighting chance, and to help correct some forms of birth defects. They have also developed education programmes to help prevent birth defects and premature birth. Please join my family in supporting this cause by donating.

Now, I mentioned other miracles…

We are expecting our second child in early June! We were not expecting to be able to get pregnant again so soon with the problems we had getting pregnant with Eion, but are completely excited. Also, of course, slightly worried that this baby will want to come early too. But we are working with my doctors to do what we can to prevent that from happening, including using progesterone injections to help prevent early labour – a procedure that was developed with research funded by the March of Dimes.

As we have more information – ultrasound, etc. I will post it. Until them, prayers, positive thoughts, etc. are all highly welcome and appreciated!

‘Reborns’

I know, I know. First post in a long time and I decide to talk about ‘fake babies’ but this is something that was talked about on 20/20 a short while back.  It is something I kind of have experience with and I was kind of surprised at the vehemently negative reactions to this idea.

For those unfamiliar with the idea, Reborns are dolls that have been redesigned, or ‘reborn’ to be more lifelike.    The skin is often painted and the hair is very cafefully done to look as lifelike as possible.

The reasons people purchase Reborns varies, but the most common reason is the one that gives the most people outside the ‘hobby’ concern. Child loss.

Many people, mostly women, purchase a Reborn after miscarriage or early child loss. Many outsiders are concerned that this is an unhealty way to deal with the grief, but I disagree. Well, of course I do, I’ve been there.

Summer of 2002 I found out I was pregnant. I went through all the normal emotions – joy, excitement, worry, elation. My cousin gave me some of her son’s baby clothes, toys, and a stroller. My husband and I purchased a crib at a yard sale. We assembled it to make sure we knew how and that all the parts were there, then took it back down. A short 7 weeks into my pregnancy, I lost the baby and was devastated. I now had a crib with no baby to put in it, clothes and no baby to put them on.

The local mall had a kiosk for the now defunct Gepeddo Dolls Company. They made these wonderful baby dolls where you could customize the skin tone, hair style and colour, eye colour and facial expression, all for about $90. I had seem them before and had considered purchasing one, but hadn’t. The holiday season after the miscarriage though, I did purchase one. A boy with light skin, a simple smile, and red hair and green eyes. I named him Byron, after my late Great-Uncle.

I never took Byron out of the house with me like many Rebirthers do, but I did buy him a few inexpensive outfits, I put up the crib again, and every night for quite a while I would put him in PJs and put him in the crib. In the morning I would dress him in one of his outfits and put him on the couch with a toy bear. I had something where I could syphon off the attention I would have given a human child.

A few years later our new puppy used Byron as a chew toy and wound up chewing off all his toes and a few of the fingers on one hand. Again I was devestated. But, I just kept his socks on to hide his feet and kind of ignored the hand. A few more years later I did find replacement parts on E-bay and repaired him (Gepeddo had shut down by them or I would have ordered the part from them). He was hardly perfect as the parts I was able to find were a
Slightly different skintone, but still… It was nice to have him in one piece again.

Byron now sits on the bed in my son’s room / guest room. I plan to add him to my son’s toys soon as he is fascinated with babies. I no longer need Byron to be my ‘replacemt’ but did help A LOT to have him during the 5 year wait for our son to finally arrive.

For the most part I believe that those that don’t ‘get it’ never will, especially those that have never experienced the loss of a baby. But, even many that have experienced that, and you would think might understand, simply don’t get it either. However, I will never understand those that deal with their loss by getting pregnant again immediately after a loss. We all deal with loss in different ways. Maybe none of it is healthy, or maybe it all is. As long as it’s not harming those that we care about, whose right is it to judge?

It’s a sad sad world

BabyCenter is making the change over to a new board software. The old boards, as a consequence, are in the process of being shut down. As a last thing many are posting about the things they remember most, the good and the bad. Unfortunately, people are taking this opportunity to highlight the bad and not the good.

Most of the threads bumped or linked are ones were people were treated like absolute garbage for their choices in parenting. An entire thread is full of nothing but personal attacks against a member who doesn’t even post anymore, the ultimate in childishness. It’s truly sad that so many negative people are raising children, and even worse, many of them are pregnant with another. It’s even sadder that no one has the guts to stand up and say THIS IS WRONG.

I thought I left high school and all the cliques picking on people who are different than them, I thought I had left the need to go with the crowd, I thought I had left needing to be ‘in’ with the ‘popular kids’ no matter how INCREDIBLY nasty they are.

Guess not.

Pro-lifers ARE pro-choice

Being an election year there is, of course, a lot of talk about "Pro-Life" (anti-abortion) versus "Pro-Choice" (pro-abortion). What people fail to realize is that people on the Pro-Life side of things ARE pro-choice in the truest sense of the phrase.

As a Pro-Lifer I believe
… women have the CHOICE to not have unprotected sex
… parents have the CHOICE to educate their teenagers on where babies come from
… schools have the CHOICE to not have to parent teens by offering sex-education
… parents have the CHOICE to be outraged when schools offer up free birth control medications to *children*
… women have the CHOICE to put unwanted babies up for adoption
… hopeful parents have the CHOICE to go through adoption agencies waiting *years* sometimes to have one of those precious babies placed with them

I do NOT believe that anyone should have the CHOICE to kill innocent children because they made the CHOICE to be irresponsible idiots.

Miracles

It’s funny how we compare babies to one another. For instance, my son is 10 months old, according to the calendar, but, as he was 2 months early ‘techically’ he’s only 8 months old. So, which do I compare him to? Initially, he was compared to his calendar age buddies and was going along swimmingly. Even ahead on some things. Then his technical age babies started getting older and doing things that Eion wasn’t doing… He was 7 months old before he got the hang of sitting up on his own. This was at the same time as his 5 month old friends. But, that was okay as he was a preemie. Then his technical age counterparts started crawling. And pulling up to standing. And babbling. And he *wasn’t*. This was when I started to get sad and, truth be told, a little afraid. Was he going to be really  behind?  Then, the sweetest thing. Babababababababababa. Sometimes for long stretches at a time. Playing with toys? Babababababa. Mad at mommy for making him lay down and have his diaper changed? Baabaabaabaabaa (these are more drawn out). One day a couple weeks ago I was waiting for a prescription to be ready. Eion and I were over in the kids’s area of the waiting room. He started trying to pull up to stand on one of the chairs there. I had to hold the chair steady for him and it took a while, but, he DID IT. And, of course, I started crying as he laughed hysterically in joy.. Today he scooted backwards for a good distance, and then, even more miraculously, he went FORWARD. Only a tiny distance and mostly assisted by pushing against the coffee table with his feet, but still. He even got onto all fours and got one knee forward. Brandon and I both held our breaths ready for more, but that was it this time. He also got from his belly back into a seated position today, and, again, I cried. Then I started cheering and laughing and Eion started laughing. He kind of had this "I did something good apparently ’cause mommy’s cheering, but I have no idea what" look on his face. It was precious.

The other night I checked on Eion before going to bed, as always. He looked so sweet and peaceful I couldn’t help myself. I very carefully picked him up, cradled him against me and sat down in the rocker with him. He kind of woke up, looked around with sleepy eyes then put his head back down and went back to sleep. As I was cradling him I thought about how big he was now in comparison to where he was. His head was resting on my shoulder, and his feet were past my lap. The first time I held him in that position his head was on my chest with his feet barely reaching my waist. It was just a very "oh my goodness" moment. With his head resting on my shoulder I could feel his cheek moving as he sucked on his pacifier. As he dreamed I felt the little twitches in his hands, once so tiny, now not so much. Then I was struck by another amazement. He has come so far and seems like such a big boy to me now, but he’s still not even a year old. And I can’t wait to see in what other ways he will amaze me.

That(Those) Thing(s) You(I) Do

Things I do:
I play World of Warcraft, Sims 2, various games on Pogo.com; I take and edit photographs; I do many many crafty things like sewing, knitting, crochet, lucet cord making, bargello embroidery, blackwork embroidery, embroidery, embroidery, embroidery; I design and draw celtic knotwork; I play in the SCA; I browse through and laugh at most pictures on www.icanhascheezburger.com; I play on Neopets; I read and read and read; I watch movies; I watch old TV shows for nostalgia; I go looking online for cool baby toys; I go looking online for more books to have my wonderful librarians ILL for me instead of spending money on random books; I go online looking for more cool SCA-ish things to occupy my time; I take my son on walks around the neighborhood; I take my son on walks to the library where we attack every sturdy board book in the children’s area; I play with my son, on the floor, in the toddler’s area at the community center where he adores all the musical instrument toys, and I can even get back up off the floor (!); and I know what is best for my child more than anyone else could.

There are also many things I don’t do, in spite of what people think:
I don’t fry crap to stuff down my kid’s throat – I don’t own a frier, don’t know how to fry anything, and the largest bottle of oil I have is a teeny tiny one with olive oil; I don’t think of ways to make my son obese; I don’t think of ways to piss people off; I don’t go looking for fights; I don’t go looking for attention on every thread on BBC; I don’t post things just for shock value (please…); I don’t open beer bottles with my toes; I don’t count what’s left of my teeth; I don’t build houses (certainly not glass ones); I don’t post negative comments on threads that have nothing to do with me just to be negative and start a fight; I don’t have 1000 friends on Myspace or BabyCenter that I don’t know who the hell really are; I don’t worry over every little milestone that my son hasn’t reached 2 months before he should reach them in the first place; I don’t try to parent someone else’s child, and I don’t dare assume that I know better than anyone else what is best for their child.

I am a mom, I am a human being. I make mistakes, like everyone else. But, no matter what you think, not everything I do different than you is a mistake.

Un-freaking-believeable

It constantly amazes me how incredibly rude people can be to others on the internet. And I mean PERSONALLY to people on the internet. If someone doesn’t agree with something someone says it turns into this big slamfest. Can anyone tell me why? Seriously!

Again, it comes back to how people raise their children, but just because you don’t agree with someone doesn’t give you the right to treat them like crap. You do things your way, they do things their way. If they’re not doing anything to actually endanger their children (and, no, you are NOT the end all be all authority no matter what you think) then why the hell do you care? And why must you nastily attack them and anyone who specifically asks for their opinion? If you’re that insecure in the rearing of your own children (which is my opinion as to why people attack some one who is so confident in their ways) then that is YOUR issue, not everyone else’s

Lay off.

Use the bloody SEARCH function for Pete’s sake!

I will never ever understand why so many people think that they’re the only parent who gives a crap about their children’s (and YOUR children’s) safety.

Go to any parenting board and you will see multiple posts on the same subjects. Multiple posts on whether or not your 2 month old can be forward facing (NO). Multiple posts on how you’re poisoning your child if you use a popular brand of teething tablets (NO). Multiple posts on how you’re poisioning your child if you use hard plastic (ie BPA) bottles (NO). Multiple posts about if it’s okay for babies to sleep on their bellies after they can roll onto them themselves (YES). Multiple posts about whether or not you can feed table foods to your baby (most of the time YES). And on and on. Doesn’t anyone use the search function anymore? What really gets me is those that use search engines to find random stories on the internet which they must then tell us all about and how anyone who does the same things are idiots and should have their childen taken away, but can’t use the search function on a forum to see that that same story has been beaten to death or debunked half a dozen times. Then they get all offended when it is suggested that they use the search function in the future to avoid the 30 page long thread about how, yes, we’ve already heard this, and, no we’re not morons.

Instead of using all that time to locate and post all this reseach we’ve already seen, see if someone has already been there done that.

Seriously.
USE THE SEARCH FUNCTION.